Single in the Suburbs

A single girl in a married world muses on being single in the suburbs.

Being single in Darien is interesting to say the least. While I know there are a lot of single people in Darien, most are divorced, or at least most I have encountered. Being never married and having no kids is an anomaly in Darien for the most part. It is often assumed that you are married and have kids. I cannot tell you how many times I have been asked how old my kids are or where they go to school or that they think I am someone else and know my kids.

When I moved back to my hometown from NYC after stints in Ohio (college at Denison), DC and Chicago it was an adjustment to not live in a city after living in one for 14 years. I was used to everything being delivered--laundry, wine, food, anything my heart desired at any time of day. I quickly adjusted to doing my laundry and going to the store.

Moving back to Darien was not in my grand plan, I thought I was a NYC girl for life, but the big guy upstairs had different plans for me. I lost my job and could not afford to stay in my Upper East Side apartment. So I packed up my fifth floor walk up and moved back to my childhood bedroom. Not exactly glamorous, but what's a girl to do? My Samantha Jones lifestyle (in my mind) was quickly turned upside down as I was relegated to my parents’ house in my mid-30's with no car and no job. Humility at its best. I began pounding the pavement and freelancing.

I soon reconnected with my friends from childhood who lived here, church friends and joined YWCA Newcomers. I realized that I was ready to turn in the frantic NYC life of staying out all night too often that I would like to reveal for a calmer existence of volunteering, visiting the library and going to bed before the sun comes up.

A year into living back at home, I landed a fulltime job, got myself a Jetta and found a darling apartment in town (a few actually exist!). Throughout this experience I have been through many ups and downs and have made some drastic changes in my life, but they have all resulted in a better version of Holly that left NYC behind.

I am completely a suburban girl these days...I rarely go into NYC and quite frankly when I do it brings back some unpleasant memories of who I used to be and I rather like the true me whom I found back in Darien.

I have been embraced by the community, my childhood church, organizations that I have volunteered with, family and friends.

Some may wonder why I would want to live here single and to those people I say because I feel at home. I love Weed Beach, the Darien Library, the shops, walking to the beach from my apartment, having my amazing parents close by, my ten minute commute to work and much more.

I go through periods when I feel I don't fully fit in because I don't have a husband or a baby, which often feel like a requirement in the 06820, but I am grateful to my friends and my community for welcoming me home and I know I am not alone.

I started this blog to share my thoughts on being single in the suburbs. I look forward to your feedback. It is truly an adventure, living here I can't hide as another face in the crowd as I could in NYC, but rather I choose to live fully as a committed member of the Darien community.

Some days it is lonely or I feel like a third wheel when my married friends include me with their families, but for the most part, I feel a sense of gratitude to be back to a place that I love with people I love. While I would love to meet a great guy, suggestions please, I do not love online dating, nor do I frequently hang out in bars (left those days behind in 10028) so it is a challenge.

I hope to write regularly here about my adventures of being a single in the suburbs and dating. And if you know any funny, kind and honest single men (I know you know them). ... I'm your girl.

Enjoy the snow.

xx Hols in the suburbs

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Merrill Boehmer February 09, 2013 at 02:43 PM
I'm single in the Saugatuck area...I hear you! A bit tough not being married w/ 2.5 kids around here. I thank God my new company is taking off and keeping me busy & also out of the bars - for the most part!
Canaanite February 09, 2013 at 03:57 PM
I grew up in NYC but lived in Greenwich for ten years when I first moved to CT . . . it was a happy medium in between the chaos of the city and the social life to be found in Greenwich. I am married and live in New Canaan now (which is not unlike living in Darien at all I imagine) and I cannot imagine being single here. (Even in Saugatuck/Westport there is more to do as a single person :-) . . . If you're happy in Darien though, then that's awesome. Quality of life is great, as you know. But unless you want to meet older divorced men with huge alimony payments and 2.2 kids in tow, you might want to rethink your stance on internet dating :-)))
Lauren February 09, 2013 at 04:48 PM
I grew up in N.C. and lived in NYC for 5 years - moved back home last march and I am single and I must say, being single in this area stinks! You have a really great attitude about it though and that's fantastic...me, well I feel as if I'll be moving out of suburbia and back to the city life just as soon as I'm financially able. It's not that I miss the bar scene (I don't) - but its a feeling of being trapped here in the 'burbs, with less options for meeting that certain somebody. Keep us updated!!
Holly Jespersen February 09, 2013 at 05:08 PM
Thanks for your comments. I do online dating, but have not had much luck. I hear you on the divorced men with huge alimony payments. I am happy here and that is what matters, but I see all of your points of view and they make sense. Thanks for reading...more blogs to come.
PartyStyle Box February 10, 2013 at 12:49 AM
Great Blog Holly! You go girl...and your parents are the best.
Al Brecken February 10, 2013 at 07:51 PM
"Special single's evening!" "Smart and fun ways to 'connect'!" Cole Auditorium , Greenwich Library . 7 PM wine & cheese reception.. This enjoyable single's event was arranged by Staff Librarian Michelle Martin and was well attended by 70 singles- 65 women and 5 men ( including me ). I was surprised by this gender difference in attendance .Possibly women are more attuned to learing / hearing about such activities. Anyhow --- there is a proliferation of "Meet-Up" groups for so many activities , so getting "exposed" to other singles is not a concern.-- "Singles Going Wild!" , etc.
Holly Jespersen February 10, 2013 at 10:36 PM
Thanks so much for your support Janine and congrats on your new gig. You will do great!! I enjoy your blogs too.
Sushi April 17, 2013 at 12:10 AM
I apologize for coming into this discussion so late in the ball game. It is an interesting blog. Well written account and hopefully it is eyeopening to those who live a very different lifestyle than you. They expect you to understand their lifestyle and their priorities, it is only natural and normal that you hold them accountable for the same standards of acceptance. Singles and Divorcees have played second fiddle for far too long in these suburban communities of FF County; why not show some respect considering our divorce rate is holding steady at 50% with forecasts for growth in this category in the very near future. It's unfortunate to see so many young people are giving up on a long term romance today. I have read that it is an East Coast vs. West Coast phenomena - there is a 10:1 ratio of single women to single men in the major cities like New York and Boston today. If you consider that there are many men who would never marry women in that single mix well, you're looking at some pretty poor stats. A move to Alaska should level that playing field!


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