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What Movies Do You Let Your Kids See?

Our family movie night rudely woke me up to the fact that I need to pay more attention to what my kids see. I can no longer carelessly put on a movie in their presence.

This past Easter weekend, I bought an on-demand movie called “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” for my parents and I to enjoy together. The movie was about one family’s experience during the 9-11 terrorist attacks.  I did not intend for my children to watch this movie with us. 

But soon after the movie started, racing little footsteps pound up the stairs into the TV room.  My 8 year old daughter put her head on my lap and snuggled up next to me.  My 9 year old son, hearing the young narrating voice of child actor Thomas Horn, got curious and started watching the movie with us too. My kids have always been drawn to movies, plays, and musicals starring other kids. 

The thought of shooing them away did cross my mind because of the adult themes in the movie.  But the movie was rated PG-13 and had Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock in it, two extremely classy actors who have been in a host of heart-warming, family friendly movies.  Moreover my children did not seem upset by the haunting scene in the beginning of the towers crumbling to the ground.  So … I let them stay.  My husband and I had told them about 9-11 before.  It was not totally outside their realm of awareness.

As the movie continued, I became increasingly uncomfortable watching this movie with the kids.  The child who is grieving the loss of his father at one point in the movie completely loses it, screaming at his mother, “I wish it were you in the building, not him!” 

A few times the child is seen twisting and pinching the skin on his torso to mutilate his body.  “What is he doing?” my son asked me.  I reluctantly explained that sometimes kids hurt themselves if they feel really sad or mad at themselves.  My husband from another room loudly interjected, “It’s a really stupid thing to do and if you EVER feel like doing something like that, you need to tell someone IMMEDIATELY!”  I could not believe we were having this discussion.  It was too much, too early.  I wished we could rewind the evening.  I was caught completely unawares. 

The next day I asked my kids what they thought of the movie.  I wanted to see if there were any parts that disturbed them, any parts that needed explanation.  Although they followed the movie’s plot in a way I did not think they would they were surprisingly okay.  Instead of the tragic and disturbing parts of the movie, my children concentrated on the unlikely budding friendship between the boy and his grandfather.  My daughter thought it was funny that the grandfather did not speak but rather wrote down all of his thoughts on paper.  My kids were also fascinated by the boy himself – a quirky, but intelligent outspoken determined creative person who goes on an elaborate quest all over the city to find the lockbox for a key in his father’s closet.  Fortunately, it seems that the psychologically harrowing parts of the movie went straight over their heads.  No damage had been done – THIS time.

Our family movie night watching “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” rudely woke me up to the fact that I need to pay more attention to what my kids see.  I can no longer carelessly turn on the TV in their presence.  I wish filmmakers had to reveal any topics that might be inappropriate for children.  It would have been helpful to know that self-mutilation appeared in the movie.  Better yet, I wish I had had the benefit of other parents’ input on this movie (and others).  Parents may have widely varying opinions about what they believe is appropriate for their kids.  But hearing their different views and the reasons for them would help me come to my own conclusions.  I would put much more weight on what my fellow Darien parents think of a particular film than what the movie promoters say any day.

Next question: Am I going to let my kids watch “The Hunger Games”, another PG-13 movie?  My personal opinion based on reading the book and researching the film: No way Jose.

Editor's note: This blog post originally was published on Wednesday, April 11. The time stamp has been changed for layout purposes on the Home page of Darien Patch.

This post is contributed by a community member. The views expressed in this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of Patch Media Corporation. Everyone is welcome to submit a post to Patch. If you'd like to post a blog, go here to get started.

Joe Pankowski April 11, 2012 at 08:43 PM
...my wife and I have allowed our boys to watch most of the movies they have desired to see, even when the particular topics might not seem suitable for children of their age. The reason? We want them to discuss things with us, rather than get their information from the internet and/or other children.
Siwanoy April 12, 2012 at 03:51 PM
Interesting read. 2 points... I'd reccomend looking up the movie on IMDB or possibly a parenting website to find out more about the movie and its approitness for children. Also, I think it would add great context to the story if we knew how old your children we're. You say things such as "too young" but that could mean different ages to different people. I did enjoy the read though, so please don't take what I said negativly. Thank you for your contribution.
Charlene April 12, 2012 at 04:46 PM
"My 8 year old daughter put her head on my lap and snuggled up next to me. My 9 year old son, hearing the young narrating voice of child actor Thomas Horn, got curious and started watching the movie with us too"
Siwanoy April 12, 2012 at 05:03 PM
Whooops, I can't believe I got to the end of the story and forgot about that, my mistake.
David Gurliacci (Editor) April 13, 2012 at 02:15 AM
Here are some Web resources for parents wondering about movies for their kids. I've only taken a cursory look at them, so I don't know if they're any good or not. Perhaps someone else knows of other sites and can recommend some: Kids-In-Mind: http://www.kids-in-mind.com/ Common Sense: http://www.commonsensemedia.org/ Parent Previews: http://parentpreviews.com/ Movieguide: http://www.movieguide.org/ Parental Guide: http://www.parentalguide.org/movies.html About.com: Kids, Movies & TV: http://kidstvmovies.about.com/
David Gurliacci (Editor) April 13, 2012 at 03:01 AM
Joe Pankowski had left this comment, but we've been having technical problems recently on Patch, so the comment was lost. Well, we've just found it. Here's what he said: "...I think it really depends on the temperament of each of your children. My wife and I have two pretty adventurous boys, so we've allowed them to see action movies -- sometimes even those which have ratings which suggest they would not be "appropriate" for children. With very rare exception, our boys have really enjoyed these flicks and have not had any adverse reactions. One other point: adult-themed action movies have given my wife and I the opportunity to discuss some life issues with our boys -- such as alcohol and drug abuse. For example, when a movie character drives drunk, he may cause all kinds of mayhem for which he'd surely pay in a court of law. Furthermore, even when a character escapes harm in the movie, would he escape in real life? Finally, we ask our boys, was the drinking worth it, when he was putting his life at risk, as well as others? In short, the "teaching opportunities" with these kinds of movies are far greater than one would see with Disney fare."
Leslie Yager April 13, 2012 at 02:44 PM
Jenny, Another thoughtful post on the challenges of parenting.
Jenny Voelker April 13, 2012 at 06:19 PM
Hi Joe, great comments! I agree that it depends on the child. My kids just watched a documentary video on www.curiosity.discovery.com called "The Body on Drugs". It shows people taking drugs to speed them up or slow them down, and then being tested doing daily activities like driving. My kids took a great interest in them, and the video was perfect fodder for discussion. Another one they liked was called "How Evil Are You?" Thanks to you and everyone else for reading and taking the time to submit a comment. I really appreciate it.
Joe Pankowski April 14, 2012 at 01:43 PM
Thanks, Jenny. A final point--your kids may be a little bit young for "The Hunger Games", but the "Katniss Everdeen" character is an amazing role model for girls. It was great to see a strong heroine instead of the "damsel in distress" we see in so many movies. Good point-counterpoint on this topic in this link: http://www.todayonline.com/Entertainment/Movies/EDC120411-0000007/Game-changer
Elizabeth Svedlund April 29, 2012 at 07:46 PM
Great article! As mentioned by David - my husband and I use www.commonsensemedia.org for movies (and books too). Other fun websites - http://thekidshouldseethis.com/.

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