Have you ever taught your child to ride a bike? Then you know that you can’t ride it for them. You can’t even theoretically instruct them. You need to put them on the bike seat, run alongside, brace yourself for the inevitable "crash and burn", close your eyes and hope for the best. Yes, they will fall off and yes; you will be there with the Band-Aid. At the end of the day, you can be there to watch, cheer them on and for a time, hold the seat and handlebars loosely, but ultimately, you have to learn to let go and allow them do it themselves!
As a Life Coach and Licensed Psychotherapist, in private practice in Rowayton and Darien, over the past 17 years, I have coached a lot of parents and I’ve seen a lot of “Helicopter Parenting”. It occurs when parents with all the love in their hearts and with the best intentions, hover too near their kids (like a helicopter) to help them through difficult situations, not allowing the child to struggle and acquire the sense of self mastery or the feeling of accomplishment that comes from overcoming a difficult or challenging situation. Whether it's the third grade science project or studying to take the SAT's. In fact the research reveals that kids who have “Helicopter Parents” tend to experience a high rate of depression.
So what should a parent do?
Find out what's happening in Darienwith free, real-time updates from Patch.
Back off and let them fail? YES!!! It will go against ALL of your parental instincts. However, it’s better to let them fail at little things than launch them into the world without helping them acquire the skills to cope with failure and the triumph they will experience when they learn how to solve their own problems! The child or teen, will feel good about himself or herself and they will have acquired a NECESSARY skill.
No parent wants to see their child hurt, or struggling, but we need to ask ourselves, are we really helping them in the short term, only to hurt them in the long term?
Find out what's happening in Darienwith free, real-time updates from Patch.
Be honest. Are you a “Helicopter Parent” or know someone who is? I can help, to learn more check out my website at www.margomeeker.com or call 203-857-0261.
